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"O large being or beings of whatever gender or branch of the animal kingdom, who did something great and is now someplace where we aren't, please forgive us for whatever you deem bad, and help us to do whatever strikes you as good, whether that be to work hard, eat no pork, or wage a holy war. Grant us whatever you tend to grant, unless you don't interfere with earthly concerns. Watch over us, or save us from evil, or let us find out for ourselves, or damn us randomly. Amen. Praise Allah. Have a nice day."

From Worshipers-R-Us

Also, Generic All-Purpose Last Rites:

Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen.

From Roger Zelazny

Comments

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shiv5468
Oct. 22nd, 2013 06:21 am (UTC)
Oh those are very lawyerly
nursedarry
Oct. 22nd, 2013 07:57 am (UTC)
LOL! I was just thinking the same thing! It had everything but a signature line at the end!

How's you, btw??
shiv5468
Oct. 22nd, 2013 07:33 pm (UTC)
Kicking thanks. And you?
nursedarry
Oct. 23rd, 2013 10:59 am (UTC)
Feel like kicking things, but that's just work :)

Other than that, doing pretty well.
mimimanderly
Oct. 22nd, 2013 10:40 am (UTC)
My thoughts exactly! If lawyers wrote prayer books, LOL....
shiv5468
Oct. 22nd, 2013 07:34 pm (UTC)
Though there should be a disclaimer saying the prayer takes no responsibility for failure, and someone should be paying for it!
delphipsmith
Oct. 22nd, 2013 09:42 pm (UTC)
Don't forget the ever-popular "Void where prohibited" :)
shiv5468
Oct. 23rd, 2013 05:53 am (UTC)
Terms and conditions may apply
nursedarry
Oct. 22nd, 2013 07:56 am (UTC)
LOLOL! THIS.
delphipsmith
Oct. 22nd, 2013 09:43 pm (UTC)
I know, right? I bet the Unitarian Universalists would be all over this :D
femmequixotic
Oct. 24th, 2013 10:59 pm (UTC)
LOLZ. I need to share these with my div school colleagues a rather large chunk of whom are UU or UCC. They'll be highly amused :D
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